Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Path Less Taken

My path hasn't been easy for me. I was born unexpectedly( my mom had several miscarriages before I came along). My mom was also 41 when she had me. God, it seems, has been in me stong since birth. I overcame many obstacles and have been gifted with many things. I am a only child, not spoiled, I guarantee that(South American folk don't believe in spoiling there As a young child, I knew I was different in many ways. For one I could see things before they happened. I could see people that others couldn't and to top it off I knew I was born to be another gender then the one that was assigned to me at birth.
As a young person, I used these differences to fill up my sometime boring life. I was able to sit and have full conversations with my 'imaginery' friends and through that, in middle school came up with great plays and commercial work for my creative communication class(passed with a A+...LOL).
However, it also drove me a little crazy because at the time I had a feeling it ran in my family, but my grandmother had passed and no one else would talk about it, except the one time a long time passed family member came to me and my mom told me to tell her I couldn't go with her.
In my early adult years, these gifts led to drinking and drugging because I didn't know how to control them. I thought they would just go away if I didn't focus on them and if I stayed drunk enough. It didn't help one bit. I was just a drunk who could see stuff and no one would heed my warnings because they thought I was out of it.
It took time, but I finally realized that these gifts were a blessing, but still I need to learn how to see, analyse and hold on to things I see and how to properly communicate with those I can talk to. Honestly, it is living people who give me more trouble.
Luckily, without realizing, I have found someone who can help me and for that I am grateful.
The last few days have been filled with drama, but gratefully, I have people who are there to help me through and to remind me who I am and what my purpose in life is. To those individuals- my Angels, I am most thankful.
I don't know if this blog makes any sense to folks who read it, but its a reminder for me of wher I come from, where I'm at and where I'm going.
God Bless.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Your Will, Not Mine, Be Done

For many years, I never understood why God would call me to service, in ITS name and there are still days that I don't understand(that's my issue). As I study, I understand that God calls those others would never suspect. Its not that those who haven't experienced anything aren't anymore important, I think its just that God wants to show how God can effect peoples' lives, threw those who are considered being furthest from God's glory. So God picks the uneducated, the unpopular, the homeless, the homosexual, the racist, the freak, the tax collector, the fisherman and the carpenter's son. All the people that no one pays any attention to. These are the people that God uses to spread the word of unconditional love and acceptance. For you see, we are all God's creation and God has created us to be who we are at this time and in this place.
We say we have faith in and believe in God's love. Until someone we don't approve of has been 'touched' by God. Then our faith and love all of sudden disappears. We all of a sudden forget it is God's call and not our own, as to who is to serve and when.
The best way to remember this is to remember the night Jesus was talking with God and asking that the cup he was brought fulfill be taking from him. Jesus ends his plea with the words, 'but your will, not mine, be done'.

Its Time

At the forceful suggestion of my, I'm starting this blog. Actually, I have wanted to start one for quite some time. I just didn't know if I would stick with it or not. I guess time will tell. I do have alot to talk about, because there are always things on my mind. That alone, could should me keep going for awhile.
Right now I'm living in Charlotte, NC, but I'm getting ready to move to Atlanta in a couple of weeks. I've always wanted to live in Atlanta, like since I was a kid. There have been two other major opportunities, but I never took advantage of them. However, this time God has blessed me with folks, in my life, that won't allow me to miss out on this opportunity and for that I am grateful. So, I'm starting to pack my stuff up, which I really hate doing. I don't have alot of stuff, but it paralyzes me when I think about how to pack everything. Its kind of funny because there is much more to really pack, but I'm sitting here going, 'where am I going to put the rest of this stuff'? It amazes me everytime. It's not my first move, however, it will be my last. I just finished having that conversation with my Bishop this morning. Oh, did I mention I'm a Priest in a monastic order. It's a modern day version of the ancient orders, however, we are amongest the world, so no celibacy(thank Anyhoo, we were talking about me moving around alot. He thinks it is time for me to stay planted and I agree. I'm not getting any younger(No Benjamin Button here). I'm originally from NYC-born and raised. Atlanta is the southern NYC, so that is cool with me. All of NYC with the warm weather. When I get there, I'll be staying with my lil bro, his wife and kid. They are gonna help me find a spot to lay my head. I'm hoping that doesn't take too long, cause I don't like to overdo my stay. Besides, I have things that need to get done. I'm a also a member of a ball house and I'm in charge of re-building the chapter down there.
What is a ball house? WOW! Well, its a group of mostly gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender folks, who compete against one another for cash and trophies. the ball scene has been around since the 50's. It basically came out of the desire for gay people of color to find a venue where they could be respected and show their creativity. So, how do I fit in your asking? Well, I am a transgender person, specifically a female to male transgender person and that is all I'm saying, on that, for now(that will be another blog, I'm sure).
Ok, so this all I'm gonna write for now. I have to go get something to eat and then stare at my room a lil more...LOL.
Peace out