Its been a while since I have written anything and I'm not sure what to even say now, except that I realized yesterday that I am in a mess. A mess that I have caused, no doubt. I have been in transition for a little over 10 years and I still feel like a lost lil boy. Maybe, I a really am. I am a 46 year old person, but the reality is I have lived longer as a woman then a man. I was a confident butch and yet as a man, I'm a mess and I don't know why. All I really need to be is myself and I don't understand why I am having such a hard time with that. So what, I don't have a dick, which I will never have and never want to have(Too dangerous and then I will just be like every other man). I need to be comfortable with me, who I am at this minute. I need to embrace my transgenderism more, after all it's what I tell everyone else and, of course it's true.
Today, I am no longer going to second guess myself. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Admit I made a mistake and move forward. Today, I am going to realize that I am a great catch as and ftm and whoever doesn't realize that its their lost, not mine. Today, I'm getting my swagger back and being the man I have always known I AM.