Last month I wrote a short piece titled Compromise. This month I want to continue on that path.
Family, in particular parents, can and have determined how many of us have and continue to live our lives. If our parents were loving and supportive, it's more likely we turned out pretty good with few issues, mental our otherwise, to speak of.
However, there is a good number of us who faced some kind of ongoing trauma and drama with our parents and within our families.
Parents, in particular, don't realize how their words can sting a child forever. They don't understand calling your child stupid doesn't help then to grow into a confident adult. That making them have an ugly green bike just because you feel like it, while all the other kids have cool ones is NOT cool at all. That asking your child were the other 2 points are when they bring home a 98 on the math test, they were suppose to fail, isn't building self confidence.
When they get older and tell you they want to become a teacher, instead of supporting them, you give them some lame excuse as to why that isn't they career for them, but come up with no alternative.
You give sporadic support and love throughout the years, though the damage was already done in their youth and you never bothered to recognize your part in it. You could never even bring yourself to be fully supportive if their live life, always mentioning how you wanted to be a grandmother, as though it was all about you.
It took your child almost dying for you to say I love you. Years later when they transitioned, into their true gender, the discussions began. They helped you understand as as they could. Gave you space to always ask questions. They thought you were the best parent because you seemed to understand where others did not.
NEVER did I think, after the strides I now realize were in my mind because I wanted to believe that you actually got me, did I think you would tell a COMPLETE stranger I use to be your daughter.
I was hurt, I was upset. I couldn't understand why you thought it was ok. It's not like we hadn't had conversations about this type of thing. It was none of this person's business. I cane home to help you in your 92 yrs of age and now you've made it impossible to do. Not just because you've brought back the pain, but because instead of talking to me about this, you've hung up on me twice.
I love you mommy and I will always love you, but I'm 51 years old. I have a major illness of my own and I refuse to waste the rest of life living in stress.
I'm finally taking the bull by the horns and living a fully authentic life no holds bar.
I love you unconditionally even if you can't return that love. I'll be a phone call away, so when you are ready to have an adult conversation, I'll be there.
I love you always.
Your son, Joshua